The Stormshard Gambit

I'm so sick of water... air is way safer.

To Whom It May Concern:

Your lazy adventurers asked me to fill in with recording their adventures. I suppose I can oblige them, I am technically trained in all that stuff.

Today we attacked some harmless sanitation golems, which probably would have left us alone if we hadn’t poked them. We also worked our way through some FREEZING cold water, and a bunch of whirlpools that were draining the caverns. We found a room behind an invisible wall with some dirty poetry and an ancient hoard of gold, which I quite enjoyed, except the poem was also a riddle. Whoever designed this place liked riddles a little too much, if you ask me. Fortunately, we solved it and were able to unlock the magically sealed door which Sovir had previously bruised his fists trying to break. I think that might have frustrated him, but he still helped us all across the whirlpools thanks to his ridiculous blanket cape.

We found and destroyed more of those vicious little fish, as well as some weird flying turtles and overly ambitious mushrooms. The room had this pretty waterfall racing down what used to be some stairs, so Sovir and Belmont decided to race to the top. No one would take my odds on Belmont so I didn’t make any money on it, but Sovir actually bothers to remember Belmont’s name now, so I guess she impressed him. One of these days I’m going to find a way to make him have a little more respect for us talky folks.

Since I’ve bothered to accompany your adventurers on their mission, I’d really like to be paid. I’ve been taking a share of what we’ve found on the way, but it’d be nice to know there was future work for me with your organization. I think it might make people work together better if we were all officially on the same team.

Signing off for now. Someone else can do scribe duty next time.

-Harper

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GOODBYE CHEATER
Hello, Goodbye

STUPID CHEATER LADY LEFT BECAUSE SHE WAS WEAK AND TOOK AWAY TINY FRIEND AND LET ALL THE PIRATES WE HAD GO. SOVIR WAS RIGHT, SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM INSTEAD. BUT WE FOUND TINY MAN AGAIN. SOVIR HAPPY!

STUPID TALKY WOMAN ATTACKED BY FISH BECAUSE SHE IS WEAK. ONLY ATTACKED FISH BECAUSE SOVIR WAS HUNGRY. SOVIR KILLED FISH VERY DEAD AND WALKED ON WATER. FISH WERE ANNOYING BUT WE ATE THEM.

SOME STRANGE GREEN WOMAN CAME IN AND KILLED FISH INSTEAD OF ME. ANNOYING, BUT CAN KILL THINGS WITHOUT CHEATING.

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SOVIR FORGETS
Talkytimes bad

SOVIR DOES NOT REMEMBER THIS ONE VERY WELL. BUT THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH KILLING, TOO MUCH TALKING LIKE ALWAYS.

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SOVIR HATES TALKING EVEN MORE
Sovir gets a tiny friend

KICKED OPEN DOORS! GOOD TIMES.

BUT NOT ABLE TO HIT ANYBODY, SO ANGRY. TINY WOMENS KILLED PEOPLE BUT NOT ME. KEPT GETTING HIT IN THE HEAD. ALMOST DIED BUT WORDY WOMAN SAVED SOVIR. THEN STOLE SOVIR’S KILL. SO ANGRY. STUPID TINY WORDY WOMAN.

GOT NEW THINGS, BUT GAVE STUPID TINY CLOTH THING TO NOT SO BAD LADY.

GHOST CAME AND WAS ANNOYING. SOVIR TRIED TO KILL IT, BUT STUPID TALKY WOMAN KEPT DISTRACTING OTHER TINY WOMEN. THEY MADE GHOST GO AWAY. SOVIR HATE STUPID TINY WOMEN DOING STUPID STUFF.

NEXT PLACE HAD ANNOYING TRAPS. VERY STUPID. BUT GOT NICE HAT AND TINY FRIEND.

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SOVIR:1 SINKS:0
Sovir hates cheaters

WENT OUTSIDE TO PLANTY PLACE. DID A DYNAMIC ENTRY, IT WAS GOOD. BUT HAD ANNOYING COWARD THAT KEPT RUNNING AWAY. FINALLY KILLED HIM!

WENT UPSTAIRS TO PATHETIC MAN WITH MINIONS. DID NOT GET TO KILL ENOUGH, EVERYBODY ELSE GOT TO INSTEAD. VERY ANGRY!

MISSED MANY THINGS TODAY. SAD. MUST KILL MORE TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

STUPID WOMEN MADE ME NOT KILL THE LAST ONE AGAIN.

FOUND FUNNY SINK WITH VANISH WATER. TOOK BARREL OF WATER BUT BROKE SINK. IT WAS WEAK.

TINY POINTY-EARED WOMAN CHEATING ALL THE TIME WITH STUPID MAGIC. VERY ANNOYING. MAY HAVE TO SHOW WEAPONS ARE BETTER.

TOOK MONTHLY BATH, BUT STUPID TINY WOMENS MADE ME TAKE ANOTHER ONE. SOVIR DOES NOT UNDERSTAND CRAZY WOMEN WAYS.

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Dear Gentleman and Ladies
I fear it is time we part ways...

To who ever finds and read this letter, (or has it read to him in Sovir’s case)

While I’ll say that this misadventure we’ve found ourselves in hasn’t been completely uninteresting… I do think it’s past time that I take my leave of you all. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, what with the wholesale mass slaughter, annoying fire traps, bibliophile ghosts, oh and the serial group bathing. And I have to admit, the way Harper conned the two peons, who just minutes earlier had been shooting at us, into helping us move the large device that was blocking the tunnel was quite impressive. But as I gazed into that dark hole, as we lowered the hapless goblin we had acquired down into it, I was struck with a thought. I have absolutely no desire to go down there. So I’m leaving. Running away, like I always do. I do wish you luck finding the child, but I’m not too worried if you fail… it wouldn’t be the first time a House wanted me dead, and I doubt it will be the last.

To sum things up, I’m out of here, it’s not you, it’s me, and I really hope someone else found this note before that giant, grey oaf used it to wipe his ass.

-Cheryl

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STUPID PIRATES
Sovir may not hate everyone

PIRATES LIVE IN STORM CLOUD. VERY STUPID PLACE TO LIVE.

HAD TO TOSS DOWN A WOMAN BECAUSE SHE WAS WEAK. POINTY EAR TINY WOMAN CHEATS AND USES FLASHY THINGYS, NEEDS TO USE A WEAPON LIKE A REAL WARRIOR.

THERE WAS TOO MUCH TALKING. SOVIR HATE TALKING.

LEFT 2 PIRATES ALIVE FOR STUPID TALKY TIMES. BETTER TO KILL EVERYTHING.

DESTROYED 4 DOORS TODAY!

PLAYED DOOR-TOSS WITH TINY WOMAN, WOMAN SURPRISINGLY GOOD. WOMAN MAY BE OK BUT NEEDS BETTER WEAPON. WHIPS SUCK.

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WHY TINY WOMENS?
Sovir hates everyone

SOVIR IN GROUP WITH TINY WOMENS. DON’T LIKE TINY WOMANS. SOVIR SAD. ON SHIP TO PROTECT TINY MAN SOVIR WOULD RATHER PUNCH. TINY MAN TAKEN BY PIRATES, SOVIR DOESN’T MISS HIM BUT KILLING PIRATES GOOD.

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The Story So Far...

Kps

Dear Alan Heart,

We ran into a little trouble delivering Savian to the ball, but don’t worry, you sent along the best, and we’re ready to save the day! So, everything started out okay, we were all on the the Bonny Kate, getting to know each other and watching out for trouble, when pirates attacked! Sovir, Mari, and I leapt into action while Cheryl bombarded them with her magic. They didn’t stand a chance against us, everyone did great. Mari was calm and collected even though I think she almost collapsed a few times, she’s a little delicate. Cheryl too, but she mostly stayed back and summoned things to distract our enemies and even take down the weaker ones. Sovir more than makes up for them in the solid department though, he’s a little rough around the edges but kinda reminds me of the twerps back home (hee hee).

Turns out that while we were taking care of business the pirates took Savian away on their ship. The captain of the ship freaked out – pretty indignant too, considering how much they helped – but we got everything sorted out and went off after the kidnappers. The captain sent along a surly women named Harper to help out. We caught up pretty fast and were in the middle of battle again. Mari, Sovir, and I jumped onto their craft while Harper and Cheryl gave a us support from the deck of our ship. Mari got pretty beat up and Sovir got so overexcited he pretty much disintegrated one guy, but they gave up and admitted to having dropped Savian off at an Island before we caught up to them. We’re taking a quick rest while we head over, hopefully it shouldn’t take too long to sort everything out. Maybe when we get back I can tell you all the intimate … details … over dinner?

Love, Sirene

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